Imperfect June

June: normally a month I wait all year for. In 2019, June is the month I was due to welcome my second baby into the world. My due date was the 27th. Approaching June 1st, I started to notice more stress and sadness creeping around every corner. It’s hard not to imagine what could/should have been.

Waking up this morning, June 1st, I made a choice to try to use this month to honor that sweet soul who will always be a part of us. It will be a tricky month emotionally and I want to honor those feelings, but I also want to push forward and appreciate my life as it is. Today I walked into my daughter’s room and we played and had fun for a while, and then I did my first yoga set in more than a year while she played by herself. This is a major personal accomplishment. My brain always says, “YOGA MUST BE QUIET! CALM! RELAXED!” (Yes, my brain yells these messages of peace.) So of course, my life is rarely quiet, calm, relaxed and then I never do yoga. Today’s session was accompanied by answering questions, pausing to direct my husband to take out the garbage and stopping to get a water. And it was fine. It was actually much more relaxing than I anticipated. Afterwards, Lily and I had a lovely breakfast together and now I steal away for 10 minutes to write a little something.

The pressures of life have been pushing down hard on me. There is never enough time to do everything we have to do, let alone anything we want to do. Today taught me that even the imperfect amount of time can work just as well.

Now off to Target, swim lessons, and a birthday party later on. Life won’t wait.