Trust

Over the summer, we were in the depths of an intense house hunt. Our search did not last long. I have friends that looked for a year or more (or are still looking.) At the time, it felt like it might take forever. I had this (perhaps) naive belief that when we found the right home, I would just know. As the showings piled up and my lukewarm feelings for each property loomed I started to feel kind of silly, realizing that maybe the notion of the “perfect” home was just an HGTV fairytale. Mind you- this is our first home, so I knew it wouldn’t be close to perfect, but I wanted that feeling that it would be perfect for us- that I could imagine us there.

The home we purchased was the last house to be seen on an afternoon of -no joke- 5 home showings. We picked up our daughter from daycare and fed her dinner “on the road,” driving from house to house. When we pulled up, we were hot and tired. We walked into the old ranch and were greeted by a cool wall of air with that unique “hasn’t-been-touched-in-forever-but-formerly-loved-by-an-old, old-lady” smell. I walked quickly through the house. I liked it. I got emotional when I learned the windows were new, the hot water tank was recently installed, and the air conditioning was fully operational (despite boiler heat!) I knew I wanted to put in an offer.

Now, we already had lost one house to a $10k over asking bid, so I wasn’t sure we had a shot. It took a while to hear back from the sellers, who lived out of town. One afternoon I decided to do the classic first home drive-by. By chance, the song “Within a Mile of Home,” by Flogging Molly came on as I drove, and as I turned onto the street the chorus followed me… “We are within a mile! We are within a mile! Within a mile of home!” I pulled into the driveway and LOST IT. I started weeping. (Elderly neighbors totally peering at me while they watered their lawns.) We weren’t sure if our offer was going to be accepted, but I knew- this was our house. And I was right. Not only was my intuition on point, but everything worked out. It was only a few months prior that I made the decision- no matter what it took, we would be in a home by the time my daughter turned 3. She will turn 3 in April. In less than a year this huge dream came true. So my intuition was in full swing AND a near-miracle occurred.

Lately, I’ve been questioning my own intuition. Usually if I listen to it, it rarely steers me wrong. I think we humans- ESPECIALLY WOMEN have an amazing natural intuition. Too often, we lose touch with our internal guide because of the noise of life, because of self-doubt or the doubt brought upon us by others. We need to do a much better job of reconnecting to that knowledge. I certainly do.

After everything that’s happened in the last 3-6 months plus current things that continue to derail me from my goals and intentions, I’ve lost sight of the answers within me. I have to learn how to get quiet enough to hear them again. That moment from over the summer is just one recent example of how intuition and faith appear when we need it most. I need it right now.

I’m just here to remind you to believe in it. And that everything will be okay.