And we’re dealing. It’s time to get it all out.
I learned a harsh lesson this week. The current amount of weight I’m hauling around is too much for my frame, and my frame is kind of long and fab, so that’s saying something. I’m actually crumbling under the pressure, waking up each morning feeling like I have early onset arthritis. For the first time in my life, my constant aspiration to lose weight must shift gears to being a medical necessity. Of course I’m self-diagnosing, because Canada won’t give me health insurance. Anyways, it’s scary, but very real.
I didn’t really want to go “there” on this blog, but since I’m writing about the last year before 30 via the In-Between, it cannot be avoided. It’s a very personal topic, so bear with me.
Health, wellness, and weight have been something I’ve obsessed over for as long as I can remember. I literally remember having my first negative body image thought at 10 or 11. That’s fourth grade. Now we can sit here and hem and haw over how wrong that is, or why a 10-year-old was having those thoughts, but that’s just wasted energy at this point. Basically, it’s time to completely go back to the drawing board and start over. That’s so, so hard after 29 years of forming destructive habits.
I want to chronicle this journey because it might be one of the most important ones I ever embark on. So much rides on it. I joke a lot about being out of alignment or half-ass attempting to stick to an exercise routine but the truth is, I saw bad things happen to people in my family, people I love. My grandmother was heading towards a retirement of not being able to walk, and then she passed away. It seemed like she didn’t want to address her pain, and then it was over. I don’t want to get to that point and then realize it’s too late. I want a family. I want to pass along healthy habits to my children.
So, for as vulnerable as it makes me, and in Internet land, as cliche as it is, I’ll be posting a lot about new habit building at the ripe age of 29. Not every day will be a success. It’s a long road ahead, but if it’s helpful to even one person out there in the same predicament- and more so, if it helps me get to a place where I can start my own family and share a long, healthy life with them, it’s worth it.