The In-Between : Yoga for Dummies

Last week, I manned up and actually went to a hot yoga class.  Yoga is one of those things that is always on my “should” list, because it will make me feel better, more peaceful, stronger, eliminate lower back issues, and so on.  I usually start off a new yoga routine by DVDing it in front of my TV.  That lasts for all of 12 minutes until I realize the yoga lady can’t see me, and my Keurig is probably heated up and ready to brew now…  Sometimes, I buy a first-timers package at a local yoga studio.  I attend one class, spend the entire time trying not to die, and then let the rest of my two unlimited months run out without attending another.  And the cycle continues.

I want to make yoga a part of my life, for reals.  Not because I expect to become some kind of yoga guru-woman, but because truly, above all, I think it will help me slow down a bit and be more in the moment.  I also think it will be an integral part of learning not be so hard on myself, and accepting that, yes, I might look like an idiot, but at least my hips are more in alignment.  Things like that.

Here are a few things I noticed last week that you might need to know if you’re also starting a brand new yoga practice.  Namaste.

  • Namaste sounds a heck of a lot like, “Naw, I’mma stay,” which is something you can say when your friend tries to get you to go out to eat instead of staying to attend class.
  • Get to class early enough to grab a spot in the back, so you can watch everyone in front of you be amazing at yoga.
  • Get a pedicure before attending class, or that is literally the only thing you’ll be able to focus on while in the flow.
  • Whatever the website tells you not to wear (i.e. perfumes, makeup, deodorant,)…WEAR DEODORANT.  Don’t be that guy.
  • Take a pain reliever BEFORE you go.
  • Make sure you arrive with your saddest memory, so when the guy in the corner starts making “pleasure” noises during class, you’ll have something to use to stop the hysterical giggling.
  • You really can see right through those Lululemon yoga pants.  Like, everything.
  • Don’t get too cocky when the instructor keeps saying how great you’re doing.  You may later find out there is another Lindsay in the class.
  • Bring a thick jacket to put on once you are back in the car.  You’ll need to crack the window so you don’t have to smell yourself all the way home.  (Applies mostly to post-hot yoga.  Ick.)
  • You will think you’re a champ the day after your first class, because you feel so mentally fresh and your body doesn’t hurt.  Then, you’ll wake up the second day after class.

Until next time- Ohm (g) Yoga is great.



2 thoughts on “The In-Between : Yoga for Dummies

  1. J says:

    This is another one of my favorite columns. It is really witty – only you can make yoga sound like so much fun. I might just be tempted to try it myself (wihtout the pedicure)….Loved it!

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