Things I’m Still Trying to Understand About Canada

Milks. Here are your options:

  • 3.5% Milk (3.5% of what? Milk? Non-milk additives? Wha?)
  • 3.25% Milk (Just for a little treat. Just the tip of the 3.5%)
  • 1% (Okay, I get that one.)
  • 18% Farmers (Cows? Chickens? Lions, tigers, bears?!?!)
  • Soy (Almost willing to switch just based on the fact that I know what it means.)
  • Blend cream (Blended with…..?????)
  • .1% Milk. (They couldn’t go ahead and remove that last .1%?)

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Sour Cream

  • In all of the grocery stores I’ve visited, not one has offered anything but “artificially soured” sour cream.  Why the eff would I want to buy that!?  I mean, is all sour cream “artificially soured” and we’re just not told about it?  Maybe I’d rather not know… and what does that even mean?

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Pennies

  • There are none.  When I initially heard about this a few years ago, I thought, “Brilliant! I hate pennies!!! ARGH!”  Now that I’m here, when I pay for an item that’s $19.99 and hand over a $20 bill, I want my penny back!  (You won’t get one, they round up.)

Debit Cards vs. Credit Cards

  • So when you have a debit card in Canada (as most people do,) it really is only a debit card; the cash-back, pin-dialing kind.  There is no Visa debit card here, try not to throw a tantrum over it.  For example, you might plan to purchase a meal or drinks and decide not to think about it until the spending regret sinks in the next day.  However, you will be FORCED to think about it when the server brings a debit card machine to your seat and watches as your type in your pin number and decide what kind of tip to give her.  We didn’t like this, so we decided to get a real Canadian credit card. (OoooOOooo!!)  There aren’t many options when it comes to those- credit cards seem to be a mystical unicorn that only very special people get to have.  We had to physically go to a bank to apply for one.  In PERSON!
  • The happy day arrives and we receive our Canadian credit cards.  The pre-approved sum is also suspiciously linked to our che(QU)ing account.  That makes me nervous.  I make my first big credit card purchase- $5.99 for a bakery assortment of cookies, if you must know.  I swipe, and……………………. the machine asks for a pin number.  Wait. What?!  Why?!  I just want to swipe and sign like the good old days!  The mystery continues to unfold, like sands through the hour glass…
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