Miley Cyrus hair.
Tight, knee skimming jean shorts for men, usually with one roll-up.
Sky-high wedges, any time of day, any occasion for the ladies.
Staring at people.
Daft Punk, ‘Get Lucky’ (you truly cannot escape it and it’s not funny anymore.)
Also: ‘La, La, La’, by Naughty Boy, and ‘You Will Never Know’ by Imany. Be grateful you don’t know these songs.
Ombres! They’re still here!
3 piece suits for men over 60, anytime of day, any day of the year.
Paying for your own birthday party.
Thick, thick, non-ironic hipster glasses. The bigger, the better.
The beach, 4E.
Nicole Scherzinger minus The Pussycat Dolls.
Boys with a shaved head, except for a mess of hair on top, which is combed over into a sweeping 1998 repeat.
Upholding your ex-prime minister’s jail sentence.
Freebies. Drinks, cucumbers, attention.
Popped collars, unfortunately.
Dresses and sneakers, together. Sometimes the sneakers are platform sneakers.
Studs e’rywhere. Purses, aforementioned sneakers, etc.
Geordie Shore (really- Google it!!!)
Bad 70’s Disco music.
Pitbull (not the dog.)
Barely-there shorts. Like, why-even-bother length.
Big designer bags (when does that ever go out of style, really?)
Skinny, skinny jeans. Again, with sneakers. Usually very chunky sneakers.
Bold floral pants, often with a different floral patterned-shirt.
One piece, full length jump suits. Sometimes with sneakers.
Working in the service industry.
Al fresco dining.
Fruit for dessert.
Jamiroquai’s Virtual Insanity.
Miley Cyrus music.
Smiling at people.
Going to sleep before 3AM (or putting your kids to sleep before 3AM.)
The hours between 1PM and 6PM.
Holding the door for people.
A hearty breakfast.
Going to the movies.
Supporting AC Milan.
Diet pop/soda, if you’d prefer.
Going out without makeup.
Solid colored pants or jeans.
Fedoras (unless you’re either in Rome or a tourist (in Rome.)
Being an employed engineer.
Heavy pastries for dessert.
Doggy bags (for leftovers.)
Doggy bags (for cleaning up your dog’s poop.)